LOOK UP AND SAY HEY

i was scanning thru my old entries dated 2 months ago and..
oh my god!!
its scary!!!
ive turned into this whiny cry-baby love slave
was that really me?????
*almost fainted in disbelief*


im gonna put a stop to all these wallowing-in-self-pity mode
HELLO!!! its been 2 months!!
its MORE than enough dearest hani...


so from this moment on...


+ no more loved dovey sad jiwang or even whiny emo songs
+ its time to bring in the energy of Oi!, punk and hardcore!
+ not forgetting the happy tunes of Ska to start the morning
+ no more late nights spent crying my eyeballs out ..GET YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP!
+ no more reminiscning the past...just laugh it off
+ dont let him make u cry again... hani dear...u have many other frens who appreciates u and can make u laugh... go bug them instead!!
+ dont forget to polish up ur DM boots...its already collecting dust.its time u don them on again..wee~


hahhahaha...
welcome back hani...
welcome back..
here's a toast to u..


p/s sayang atok kebayan..lets get back to being just frens ya.. ;)

DEAD END

everythings gone
dreams and hopes shattered
things will never be back to normal again for us
worst still...
things will never get better
its getting worst day by day
and the emotional and mental stress is getting to me
im tired so please stop
i gave up
i lost hope
so please leave me alone
let me wilt and wither

TRIP WITH DAD TO KOTA TINGGI

DAD: ani,lepas hujan berhenti,kau siap2..kita gi kota tinggi.nak ikut tak?


ME : hah??? today?? kota tinggi?? again?? for what??


DAD : banyak tanye lak.nak ikut tak? inform atan sekali


ME: (in my heart.. what the hell???? tapi takpe..i better tag along) ok..set!


pergghh!! i cant wait to get a bike of my own.then i can go zoom zoom like my dad...anywhere..and anytime..


anyhow..shopping and lepak session with dad,atan,noli(his sis) and her fren was...erm...scary and confusing...


this shouldn't have happened


they are getting too close for comfort and the worst part is..WE r having issues...serious issues

KAMPUNG LIFE

weekends spent at kampung at segamat was an enjoyable one


even though electricity was cut due to heavy downpour..
it didnt dampened our spirits
and didnt affect our planned bbq


all thanks to the power of lampu colok deepavali (hah..thats wat i call it)
and thanks to the big big shelter we put up


but it was really fun bbqing during the heavy downpour..
played in the rain
me shivering while bbqing the satay and chicken
getting ourselves warm from the fire of the bbq pit


and...ive had enough of rambutans,langsat and durians especially!!
god!! i ate a whole lot of them..until im sick of them
if u see the amount we collected from dusun abang mokhtar
u'll be shocked!


i was bitten by an army of commado mosquitoes while picking the fruits and cili padi and pucuk ubi and what have yous...
hahahha...masa busy memetik tak terasa gatalnye...bile time tido..fuyo!! ish! merenyam satu badan


oh yah...forgot to mention bout the riding lesson..
perghh!! aku merempit tak igt dunia...!
kat kampung konfiden lah naik moto sebab kenderaan pun kurang...
heheh..


my nieces and nephews are all grown up...
and angah and zizi have become sooo handsome..
mesti ramai awek kan??:P


the only thing that irriates me is that
my uncle and aunties at kampung kept asking me about "cik abang kat kota tinggi"
how the hell they know about HIM????????


the 3 days 4 nights trip seems so short
but if we stayed any longer
i will get bored
cos there arent even handphone coverage
not much activities
and i miss my hp and internet
and i miss some people very much

CINTA INTERNET

hani hani hani...
im always making frens from faraway
and the surprising thing is..
some of them turn out to be one of my really2 close frens
and the scary thing is..
some of these really2 close frens (intially just internet frens)
begin to have more-than-just-frens feelings for me
which make things really difficult for me
cos...


1)i already have an on-off boyfren whom i love very much(although we're having probelm rite now)
2)its difficult to tell them nicely that i only want us to be just frens without jeorpadizing the frenship and closeness we already shared
3) even if they can take the rejection..there will always be a problem with the boyfren


my boyfren is no longer mr understanding..
ever since i told him off and ask him to stop contacting the girl(his fren) who came between us before we broke up(she likes him and has been trying to get him in a really nice pijak semut tak mati kinda way that he became blinded by her at 1 point of time sampaikan dia sanggup menduakan aku..bwek!)..
he's been extra sensitive when it comes to my guy frens.
so if he knew about that...
he's gonna ask me to stop befrending them although they've already drop their feelings and trying to be just a fren...



please iqbal...dont call me sayang...
im sure there're many girls in kalimantan who really likes u and u ought to give them a chance...
even though im having issues with my guy
u know that i still love him dont u?
after all..we're really far away from each other..
i dont wanna lose the fresnhip we shared




aku senang sama kamu tapi kita tak mungkin bersatu

MY DAD & HIM

i had the shock of my life this afternoon..
just ended a minor quarrel with HIM when i got a call from DAD..


DAD was at Kota Tinggi and he called to ask me for HIS's number
DAD spent the whole afternoon with HIM and his lil sister
they even went shopping,had dinner and lepakked at kedai kopi talking crap and eating durian...


oh my god!!! im left speechless!!!


its really scary when ur parents r getting real close to ur bg/gf
especially when the person is my DAD


i shoudl be happy that they getting along really well but how come i have this scary feeling in my stomach?

its US once again

and WE are back to make ur life a living hell !!





hey girl..back off! i win & u lose

ONE MORE CHANCE

aku tau keputusan aku ni bnyk menimbulkan rasa tidak puas ati
terutama sekali bagi kawan2 rapat aku
yg sudah banyak memberi aku nasihat
and mengambil berat tentang diri aku


aku tahu kamu semua mahu aku gembira
dan bukan melihat aku menangis
tapi dia adalah kebahagiaan aku
mungkin pada kamu semua keputusan aku ni bodoh
tapi aku yakin pada perasaan aku


aku sanggup terima risikonya
yang penting aku tidak akan mengaku kalah
dan aku akan cuba dapatkan apa yg aku mahu


aku rela diri ini menjadi orang kedua dlm hidupnya
walaupun aku sudah bnyk berkorban
walaupun aku tahu DIA sudah ada pengganti
aku akan tetap di sini...tetap menyayanginya...
selagi dia masih ada sayang pada diruku
tidak mengapa..satu masa nanti semuanya akan terbalas
penantian dan kesabaran ku ini akan mendapat ganjaran yg setimpal


sesungguhnya tuhan itu maha adil


p/s dont worry..aku takkan buat kamu semua risau tentang aku lagi
and sayang...untuk ke entah-berapa-kalinya, aku memberi mu peluang
aku akan berikan kau kebebasan yg kau inginkan...namun aku tidak akan
meninggalkan mu...kalau itu yg kau mahu...aku rela..


dalam kecewa ku hanya mampu katakan
tetaplah tersenyum karena itu jalan
yang kau telah kau pilih......
terbanglah......terbanglah.....bersama pelangi

just for u jack

no words can express how i feel
my tears
my wounds
my scars
say it all
aint all that enough for u?
or are u too blinded by her?
i can accpet it if u wanna leave me for her
i know she deserves u more
i know she has waited such a long time for u
i know ure not happy with me
thats why u cant leave her even when we got together
thats why u got angry when i say i dont like u
thats why u come up with all excuses when i ask u to tell her to clear things up with me
to prove that u aint got anything more than just frenship with her
i left u 1 month ago
i admit..
i was suffering without u by my side
i am still suffering now
but why do u come back just to hurt me again?
please dont ask me to stay
im hurting enough already
dont ask me to stay
cos i cant
i cant bear the hurt & pain anymore
but if u want me to suffer in silence..
i will try..
for ur sake i will
but i fear what my ending will be..

sepatah kata sayang yg kau lafazkan
menghiris hatiku yg kini hanya tinggal sisa
sisa yg sudah hancur,remuk


setiap sentuhan mu
ku rasa seperti ditusuk sembilu
pedihnya,sakitnya teramat sgt


namun aku takkan menghalang setiap katamu itu
aku takkan menahan setiap sentuhan mu
akan kubiarkannya berulang



kerana kata2 itu yg ku mahu kau lafazkan
kerana kehangatan sentuhanmu itu yg ku ingin rasakan


walau diri ini terseksa
aku rela..itu semua


puisi ini tidak seperti yg asal..kerana yg asal sudah dia hilangkan...

YOUR NAME + HER NAME

your name + her name = R********D




click for bigger image

ADA YANG HILANG....

Ada yang hilang
ketika kau hilang
hatiku
jiwaku


Ada yang pergi
ketika kau pergi
senyumku
tawaku


hidupku ikut hilang bersamamu
cintaku ikut pergi bersamamu


sementara aku maish di sini
mencuba tegak berdiri
tanpamu

tentang dia...

INSOMNIA

sekarang sudah pukul 6 pagi
aku masih lagi belum tidur
sedikit pun aku tidak rasa mengantuk
pelik kan??


dari tadi aku cube lelapkan mata tapi tidak berjaya
untuk menghilangkan rasa bosan
aku menghabiskan masa di depan komputer
bermacam-macam lelaman internet aku lungsuri
sampaikan aku berjaya mengubah keseluruhan lelaman myspace aku tu
tapi mataku tetap tidak terasa penat


iiissshhh!!!
pelik pelik pelik!!
kenapa agaknye aku tidak boleh tidur hari ini?
hmmm...mesti ada sesuatu yg sedang mengganggu fikiranku
tapi apa????
urghh!!!

off to light another stick of sampoerna